You Win Some, You Lose Some (K.Blais)

I was thinking about this phrase as I drove home tonight. I must say that this familiar saying seems to appropriately paraphrase my life lately.
Here’s something you may or may not know about me: I enjoy things that I am moderately “good at”. Things that challenge me are enjoyable as long as I can have a fair amount of success (even feigned success or success in my own mind) at doing them. Things that are left up to ‘chance’ often frustrate me.
Tonight I played bingo with some of my family members. It’s a simple radio bingo. You buy the bingo cards at a local grocery or convenience store and you tune in to the radio station at a certain time to hear the caller ‘call’ the numbers. You phone into the radio station if you win. I don’t play a whole lot and I have never won. My family members play regularly, but they seldom win either. To be honest though, no one really cares. It’s the time together and the laughs that we have (including the tears rolling down our faces!) that we cherish.
Sometimes, though, I get frustrated with these games of chance and perhaps that is because I believe if you work hard enough at something you can probably achieve what you are working towards, at least to some degree of success. Radio bingo is not like that. Sure I can make the effort to drive to the store to buy my cards, I can be successful at purchasing one, and I can even be lucky enough to be on time to tune in to the radio station to hear the numbers called, but beyond that there is nothing more than I can do to be successful, that is, to win. The rest is left up to chance or should I say, God’s will.
So much of life seems to operate on this idea of “chance”. I caught myself saying this week – “We should hope for nice weather and maybe we will be lucky.” This is so totally not the case though, really. That nice weather will only truly depend on the weather patterns and, ultimately, God’s plan.
It goes for other things in life as well. So much we think is dependant on chance or the luck of the draw, I truly believe is part of a bigger, deeper plan beyond our realm of thinking.
Winning or losing though has a lot to teach us. We teach our children to be gracious winners, to be good sports, and to treat others they way they would like to be treated. We should also adhere to this way of thinking ourselves.
There will be things or people in our life who seem determined to knock us down for whatever reason. That reason may be known or unknown to us, but these things will still happen. We may also seem to do and say all the “wrong” things and the only success we may have is screwing it all up or sticking our foot in our own mouth. We can definitely feel like we are “losing”.
There will be times where we seem to do the right things and find ourselves fairly successful at them. Things may seem to be falling into place and going our way. Others may support and encourage us and seem to be “on our side”. We may even seem like we are “winning”.
There will also be times when neither may be the case. We may simply feel like we are putting one foot in front of the other, some days taking five steps forward and ten steps backward, and never seeming to get anywhere. Those days may seem to be the most frustrating of them all. It is those days that seem like we are neither winning or losing, but that maybe we are at a “draw”.
In any case, winning some, losing some, we continue on, we press forward, we trust in God’s will and His plan for us. We can believe that the days will get better if they are rough right now and we know that tomorrow offers a fresh start and a new beginning. If the days have been good, we should remember to be grateful for them.
Tomorrow will offer another day to play again, or, in the case of radio bingo, next Thursday. 😉

Fabulous Things That I Forget (K.Blais)

I decided this month would begin as a fresh start. 2015 came in with a thump for me and it took me the entire month of January to realize that I need to make a brand new beginning to 2015.

I have compiled a list of fabulous things (in no particular order) that I forget to do and I am going to focus for the month of February on remembering to do them.

1. Take a bubble bath (or soak in the hot tub). Yes it’s true. I have 1500 L of hot water always waiting for me just a few steps out my back door, a majestic view to admire, and I have been neglecting to take the time to use it! I also have a jet tub in which I could soak much of the stress and strain of the day away, but once again, I don’t take even 10 minutes to soak in it. Sad, isn’t it?

2. Read. I forget how important it is to submerge myself in someone else’s writing. I forget how soothing it can be to lose myself in another world, even for just a few moments. Also, it’s a fact that reading makes one a better writer. I need to remember to read because I love reading!

3. Write. I need to take more time to write because it is something that I truly enjoy doing. I love to write – blogs, fiction, anything. I have to take the time to write more and to pursue my writing goals. Writing more will make me a better writer too.

4. Pray. So often I let my worries consume me. My fears and anxiety gets the best of me. I forget to lean on my beliefs and to simply trust. I need to pray more and I need to remember to do my best and to let God handle the rest!

5. Exercise. I truly find perspective when I take the time to walk and exercise properly. A walk through the woods is sometimes all I need to see the world in a new light, to find a renewed perspective, and to reestablish my faith that my life is exactly how God planned it to be.

6. Abolish the ANTs (all negative thoughts). This one is a hard one. I often say that no one needs to criticize me because I am the most critical of myself anyway. This is going to be one fabulous thing that will always be a work in progress for me…

7. Talks and Hugs. Seems hard to believe that I would forget to talk, if you know me at all. The one thing I do forget to do is to reach out and vent at the times when I need to the most. I’m often afraid that I’m “whining” or claiming that “my life is so hard”. I’m going to try to remember that we were put on earth to help one another and that communication and relationships with other human beings will often bring us comfort. My friends and loved ones are always a great support to me (better than the most comfortable bra, ever!). I need to remember to reach out to them. In every really good conversation comes a hug of some sort too. So much comfort can come out of such a small gesture.

8. Rest. With a very busy family schedule and many volunteer responsibilities I forget the importance of resting. Usually when I find myself with some down time at home I feel the need to clean, catch up on laundry, and try to organize. What I forget is that my body and my mind need rest from those things too. The dust and dog hair will still be there tomorrow and one day I’ll finally get to the bottom of the laundry pile as well.

9. Play music. I play the piano and the organ for my church. I also enjoy listening to music in the car. I need to remember how much peace music can bring me and how it can add another element of perspective to my day as well.

10. Breathe. Deep breaths, in and out. One moment at a time. The simplest of things to remember to do, yet perhaps one of the most important.

Here’s to a month of fabulous things and remembering to do them!

I’m Not Perfect (K.Blais)

I took some time the other day to become more aware of the world around me. I went for a walk and I was struck by nature’s perfection: the sparkle of the snow on the smooth surface of an (almost) untouched path, the azure blue of a sky unmarred by any clouds, and the quiet, calm, and still beauty of the forest surrounding me. (photo credits by me!)

As I marveled over the serenity and the peace that it brought me, nature’s perfection also reminded me of my own imperfection and my own struggles to be good enough.

It’s a daily battle, isn’t it? We strive to be the best at our jobs, the best parent to our children, the best friend to our acquaintances, and the best family to our loved ones. (Please note: by best I do not mean ‘better than others’, by best I mean our personal best – the best us that we can be.) But what is our best? Is it even achievable?

Personally, I know that many times when I have felt that I have done or am doing “my best” someone or something reminds me that I haven’t. Being pointed out your own imperfections by others or by the world itself is often a hard pill to swallow. I am reminded on a daily basis that I will never be “perfect”, and perhaps that keeps me humble, but more often it is a brutal and unforgiving reality check.

Perfection will never be attained by me, or anyone else for that matter, because I believe that we will never live up to our own and each others’ expectations. That’s sounds really discouraging, doesn’t it? And I suppose that it is in a sense, if you consider only that. But my own faith leads me to believe that only God is perfect. We have been created and brought into a world of imperfection – we will strive to do our best and to live our lives as loving people, but we will never completely succeed at being without flaw or blemish. (The Good News is that we have forgiveness for our imperfection!)

So why is it that we often expect perfection from ourselves and from others? I am just as guilty of this as anyone else. I expect others to understand and to behave in certain ways, probably in ways that no one could ever live up to. I also expect it of myself. I know perfection will never be attainable, so why do I keep allowing myself to be disappointed?

I believe that it is because we often set too high of standards and outrageous expectations for our own and others’ behaviour. When we fall short of those standards and cannot fulfill those expectations we feel as if we have failed. Where we have actually failed is in seeing how well we have done – maybe not completely as well as the standards we have set, but how far we have come and what we have accomplished is what is really to be acknowledged and applauded.

Why are we so hard on ourselves and on others? Why are we so quick to blame others for their imperfections and the consequences that derive from them? Once again I am just as guilty of this as anyone else.

A dear friend once told me that she admired me because she said I could see the good in others and because I always try to look for the best in them. This was high praise and I didn’t believe that I was completely deserving of it, but it did make me more aware of the fact that this is the way I should always try to be. Instead of becoming upset and faulting others for disappointing me, I should look to understand them more. I know it won’t be easy, especially when I’m being criticized myself, but it is a goal which I will strive toward in 2015.

I also realize that I need to stop being so hard on myself. I will fail and time and time again I will fall. I may even be knocked down and put in my place by others, but the person who will always be hardest on me is me. I need to give myself permission to make mistakes and to learn from them.

I know that I’ll never be perfect. I believe though, that over time, I’ll learn to be ok with that.

I Am Grateful (K. Blais)

I have a Thanksgiving mug which has the words “Give Thanks With A Grateful Heart” written inside of it. The mug was a present and was purchased from the gift shop of my favourite American restaurant, Cracker Barrel, making it all the more special. Thanksgiving mugs aren’t all that common, I realize, but I use this one all of the time. It’s usually the mug I grab first because, not only is it big (I have to have my coffee in a BIG mug), but it also reminds me that being thankful shouldn’t be a once a year event.

(Photo courtesy of me)

We may have been trained from a young age to say thank you, but how many of us remember to be truly grateful and to give thanks with a grateful heart for all that we have?

It’s quite easy to lament and complain about “the way things are”. We may even walk around feeling “burdened” by all that we have to do and to be responsible for. Trust me, I know. Sometimes I feel like I spend half of my time trying to unload the burdens of the world off of my shoulders before I can even begin to take care of my own responsibilities.

I have always been someone who takes things to heart and feels responsible for a lot, probably more than I should. It’s just the way I’m programmed, I suppose. Some days it feels like I’m literally walking on my knees, the weight of ‘everything’ keeping me from standing up straight. Add to that the pressures of work, finances, family life, and extracurricular events and it’s easy to see how much there could be to complain and grumble about. Eighty percent of the time this is exactly where I go wrong: this is the point where I stumble, and sometimes even fall, under my load.

I forget to be grateful.

If I didn’t have a deep thinking, feeling mind and a big heart, the problems of others wouldn’t bother me. I’d be able to live my life unfazed by the trials and tribulations that others (loved ones, friends, even just people I know) are going through. I’d probably be able to say, “Oh that’s too bad” (insert temporary, sad, sympathetic look here) and move on with whatever I was doing at the time. I wouldn’t lose sleep worrying over a family member’s health, being concerned about a friend’s lack of communication, or experiencing the dread of waiting on the medical diagnosis of a friend’s child. These things wouldn’t affect my life, BUT I am grateful that they do.

I have a strong mind and a caring heart AND that is why I have many people to love and to be loved by. I sympathize and am able to empathize with others which help me relate to and care for them. I can share my strength to get them through the rough times and they will do the same for me. I am grateful for this.

Work and finances can be stressful. I personally don’t know anyone who has not had at least a bit of stress in these areas at one point in their life or another. It would be nice to have zero stress at work and in dealing with money to be able to do or spend as freely as one pleased. I wouldn’t lie awake worrying at night why I can’t seem to make progress with a student or if I remembered to pay the bills (or even if there’s more month than money at this point in time). If I didn’t have these concerns then they wouldn’t really affect my life, or my sleep, BUT I am grateful that they do.

I have a job and an income. My job brings me a lot of satisfaction and I enjoy it. Paying bills means that I have a home and that I live comfortably. I have all of these things because I have worked hard for them and because I have been blessed. I am grateful for this.

My family life and extracurricular events can be pretty demanding. It’s tempting sometimes to say, “Mommy is putting herself on a time-out”! Sometimes it feels like a “break” is desperately needed; everyone needs something from you, they need it all at once, and they need it right now! There doesn’t seem to be more than the odd evening where there isn’t something that one parent has to run to or the other. If these things weren’t a part of my life, we wouldn’t experience the love of a family and the joy of watching our children succeed and have fun, SO I’m grateful that they do.

I have a family and a full life. We are busy, but this means that our kids are active and healthy and are able to do many things that they enjoy. I am grateful for this.

Many of us may forget to be grateful. We may spend most of our time and energy feeling overwhelmed, burdened, and perhaps even resentful of the issues in our life. But it is these issues that remind us that we are alive and that we are capable of seeing these things through. These issues prove to us that we have many things in our lives worth fighting for. The trying moments remind us to appreciate the good. The days/weeks we feel unwell serve as a reminder to appreciate good health when we have it. The moments that we would rather forget need to be remembered because they will guide us to better actions in the future.

We need to be grateful for all of the good things in our lives, but also for the not so good things, for they all make us who we are. If you are struggling with being thankful right now, be grateful for the times you have fallen because each and every time you have gotten back up. Be grateful for the strength which keeps you going each day.

Thanksgiving is a wonderful holiday where we can remember all that we have to be thankful for, but we really need to give thanks with a grateful heart every day.

After all, we have so much to be truly grateful for.

 

“This, Too, Shall Pass”: Finding Inner Strength (K.Blais)

It struck me today that these are trying times. That may end up being the understatement of the year, but it’s a statement nonetheless.

So many of us, as well as our friends and loved ones, are going through various personal, emotional, and financial difficulties that there doesn’t seem to be much sense to any of it. As if viewing a film, we stand back and watch helplessly, hearts breaking, as those we care about damage themselves, relationships with others fall apart, and the stress and strain of finances take their toll. Maybe we even experience it ourselves. The universe can seem dark and unforgiving. So how in the world can we and our loved ones experience some of the most life changing trials and expect to carry on, to look ahead to a better future?

Perhaps it’s not about the future years from now though. It could be about the future as far ahead as we can see. Maybe it’s the next hour, the next day, or the next week that we need to get through. Perhaps simply getting out of bed in the morning is the hardest step for some of us to take. Whatever the future is to each of us, I believe that we all can find the inner strength to make it happen.

(image courtesy of Google images)

Inner strength is often called resilience, and is thought of as the ability to cope with stressful situations which occur in life. Finding our inner strength can be thought of as staying positive and finding light even in dark situations. (information courtesy of ask.com)

We were all born with inner strength – the drive to survive and thrive.

But what if we don’t think we can? What if we really don’t feel strong enough to see any future? What if we don’t believe that we can get through whatever tribulation we have found ourselves in?

First off, we have to believe that we truly do have the strength to overcome difficulty. So much of our success, and failure, in life is determined by the mental attitude with which we approach things. If we think we can, we can. If we think we can’t, we can’t. Mind over matter isn’t just a saying. If you believe in it, you can make it happen. Likewise, if you believe that something will destroy you, then that can happen too. Keeping a positive attitude can go a long way.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’ll even say it as many times as necessary, we need to surround ourselves with people who help us draw on the inner strength deep within us. Immersing yourself in people who truly believe in you and your capabilities is one of the main keys to finding, and maintaining, your own inner strength. Choose people who share the same values as you and hold them close. Finding people who support you, your choices, and your actions (maybe even if they don’t always agree with them) can be enough to hold you up when the going gets tough and the waters are murky.

Lean on your faith, your beliefs, and trust that God knows what’s best. If your faith isn’t a strong element in your life, then sometimes simply believing that things happen for a reason and that everything will work out for the best can help too. Have faith and believe that you can handle “this”, whatever the “this” might be.

Sometimes it is necessary to just let go. Try not to “sweat the small stuff”. Let go of past hurts or mistakes that you may have made and focus on the present situation and how you can best handle it. You don’t have to handle it perfectly either. Do your best and then let it go.

Be thankful for the hard times because they will help you appreciate the good ones. There are many things in each of our lives for which we can be immensely grateful for. Cling to those ‘good things’ when the going is rough. The ‘good things’ will bring you peace.

Remember: “This, too, shall pass”. You are never given more than you can handle. A door doesn’t close without a window opening. The road may seem dark, but believe that you will find the light to show the way.

Inner strength may not always seem like your own strongpoint. You may find yourself in the middle of some ‘disastrous situation’ and not know where to turn or even if you have the strength to continue on. When inner strength is needed though, you will find your resilience and the courage to move forward one moment at a time. A small step, a deep breath, and the knowledge that each day is a new beginning may be enough to keep you going. It may never be easy, but it will always be worth the effort.

Best Kept Secrets (K.Blais)

I used to find secrets exciting. It used to send a thrill of anticipation through me when I was a young girl and secrets were whispered at slumber parties and into friend’s ears on the playground.

Today, secrets often make me feel anxious and, sometimes, a bit uneasy. While secrets were fun as a child, usually who had a crush on who or who was going to ask who to dance, secrets as an adult are usually a whole lot bigger and scarier. In my adulthood, I’ve also realized that some secrets should not be kept.

I’ve often wondered why people keep some things a secret. Pieces of information like how one lost a lot of weight or where the best place is to buy skin care products are not secrets that I feel should be held from others. If the knowledge behind these issues would help others, then why wouldn’t we want to share? Why wouldn’t we want to help someone else? If something has helped or benefitted us, why shouldn’t we share it to the benefit of others?

There are times when it is helpful to confide in someone, to share a hurt, a betrayal, or an issue that we do not want shared with others. These types of things I like to call confidentialities. Confidentialities are pieces of information that we share with a chosen friend, but are not something that we want others to know. Not necessarily are they secrets, but they may be parts of us that we only allow a select few to see. Sharing these things with a trusted friend may even help us to understand ourselves better too.

If we cannot help others, then we should, at least, not hurt them. And some secrets can hurt. Secrets that harm others or do not lend themselves to supporting them are not secrets that are good. I also believe that children should never be encouraged to keep secrets from their parents, (unless of course they are “present” or “party” secrets). We teach children that “secrets” that make us feel yucky inside are not ‘good’ secrets and perhaps that’s an ideal rule of thumb for adults as well.

Sometimes we keep secrets in an effort to not hurt others, but it still happens. Purposely or inadvertently there are times when we withhold the truth in an attempt to ‘protect’ someone, when in actuality, we only cause them more pain when they eventually find out the truth anyway. No one seems to ever win with these types of secrets. It could even be said that the road to hell is paved with well-intentioned secrets.

Issues such as mental illnesses and depression should not be kept a secret. I recently attended a suicide awareness evening in my local community. It was an evening to raise awareness about suicide, and to break the silence around mental illness. These issues often affect everyone around the person who is suffering, whether the person suffering realizes it or not. While some may feel that it does not need to be ‘broadcasted’, mental illness should not be considered a “dirty little secret” kept behind closed doors. Secrets like the feelings and desires to self harm or to end one’s life should never be kept. As caring individuals we should try to reach out to others when we see them quiet and alone. Encouraging them to share their feelings, their thoughts, and even their secrets could possibly be the key that opens the door that they have kept shut for so long. Reaching out to them may be the proof they need that they are not alone. And, if they need more help than we can offer, we need to reach out to those who can. Breaking through secrets can sometimes be the best thing.

As people, and as humankind, we should aim to support one another. We should be generous with words and actions. We should offer help when possible and give advice when asked. Our focus should be to encourage, not discourage. We should work to build each other up, not tear each other down. We need to share the good things with others, as well as the bad. If faith brings you strength, then share it with others. We all need to have and to be someone to lean on when the seas are rough. If we strive to be a beacon of light to others when the way is dark, then we can also offer a safe port and welcome those who seem to be lost in their own tides.

Some secrets are just small voices that need to be heard. Some of the best kept secrets, should not kept secret at all.

When We Hurt The Ones We Love (K.Blais)

It is said that we are hardest on the ones closest to us. All too often I have seen friends and loved ones hurt by the very same people who are supposed to love them the most. I have, in fact, even been the victim, and, ashamedly, the cause of hurt on my own loved ones as well. So why does this happen?

Careless words, thoughtless actions, and misplaced, well-meaning intentions seem to prevail in society today. There are several reasons as to why we may hurt the ones who mean the most to us.

Deliberate Actions

There are times when hurt is done deliberately. Perhaps we are lashing out or back at someone who has hurt us first. Perhaps it is because we carry resentment, jealousy, or hurt from a past time, maybe even from someone different than the person we are currently hurting. Sadly, but truly, sometimes hurt is intentional and deliberately done.

Obliviousness

Some circumstances find us hurting those we love unconsciously and unknowingly. It can often be a surprise to us when we have hurt the ones we love and we later find out about it. Our intention may not have been to hurt at all. We may have been striding towards our own goals and accomplishments, possibly forgetting about others or, even, stepping on them in the process.

Negligence

Through neglectful consideration of others’ feelings we can hurt and damage our relationships with those around us. Perhaps we forget, ignore, or fail to do something important or meaningful to those who rely on us. We may “drop the ball” so-to-speak and cause pain to others. Once again, it may have nothing to do with intention, but everything to do with human error.

Growth

Sometimes we outgrow our need for people in our lives and so, perhaps intentionally or unintentionally, we pull away from them. They may also remind us of a time when we were weak and when we needed them the most. If we have grown and strengthened ourselves since that time of need, we may find ourselves moving away from our connection with those who have seen us at our worst. It may not make sense to the ones we are hurting, especially if we cannot find the words to explain it to them. Sometimes people can represent bad memories to us and so we want to forget even the positive aspects that the person brought into our lives.

When we hurt the ones we love it can do two things. It can destroy the relationship with the loved ones we have hurt. Trust can deteriorate and the pain of the hurt can be too much to be forgiven. Secondly, it can serve to strengthen the relationship, but only if those involved are willing to work through the hurt and reinforce the positive aspects on which the relationship was built on in the first place. How we react and deal with hurt from our friends and loved ones often challenges our character. It can, however, strengthen us and teach us to persevere, turning the other cheek and continuing to love those who are the hardest on us. When we hurt the ones we love, it does truly hurt, but, in time, we can forgive and be forgiven.

Friendship: A Song Of The Heart (K. Blais)

“A friend loves at all times.” Proverbs 17:17

‘Friendship’ as a blog topic is one that I’ve been mulling over for some time now. It is a subject which I have touched on and alluded to, but never really concentrated solely on in a post before. It’s not that I haven’t wanted to write about it, I just hadn’t yet found the right inspiration, I suppose. Today as I considered it once again, I found this quote and it immediately stuck with me: A true friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words (Anonymous). I like the idea of friendship being a song and finding a place in the heart.

Friends come in all variances and really, a friend is a friend. I don’t really think that there are better or worse types of friends. A friend is really a gift from God. That being said, I’ve come to think that there are certain categories of friends that many might have in their lives. I hesitate in classifying or generalizing too much because many of us will fit into more than one of the “friend” categories that I’ve listed, but I’m willing to share my thoughts:

“Forever Friends” – these are the ones that you’ve known the longest and have been friends with, literally, forever. Even though your lives, habits, and preferences change, these friends are friends that you hang on to. Maybe it’s because they remind you of many happy memories of the past, or maybe it’s that they know too much for you to ever not be their friend! In any case, forever friends are the meat that sticks to your ribs. These are the ones that you can pick up with exactly where you left off, even if it’s months or years later. Three hour conversations over coffee, poutine, and pie or hanging out talking in a backyard; these are the friends that even when life changes, they never change in your heart.

“Kindred Spirits” – these are the friends that you make an immediate connection with, whether you’ve known them for years or you’ve just really met. Kindred spirits are the friends who share your opinions, your values, and your interests. They may even look at things the same way you do, whether it be how to solve a problem or strategies for dealing with a difficult person or situation. Kindred spirits view life from a similar lens as you, whether it is with rose-coloured glasses or a magnifying glass. Kindred spirits also help you figure out whether “it is what it is” or whether “it is what I am going to make it to be”.

“Live-Life-In-The-Moment Friends” – this category of friends are the ones you can call up when you are craving fun and adventure. They usually have something on-the-go, or are up for doing anything. You may not share your deep, dark secrets with the live-life-in-the-moment friends, but you do enjoy their loyalty, company, and fun-loving attitude towards life. These friends remind you that life is about living, not just getting by.

“Friends as Family, Family as Friends” – these friends are the ones who feel like family, whether they are in actuality or not, and includes family who are your friends as well. They are the friends that you refer to as “your sister from another mister” or “your brother from another mother”, or your “friend first, relative second”. With these friends a strong, blood-like bond is formed, in that you support, defend, and are ‘there for’ them as if they really were your blood relatives. These friends may also be church family members, or friends who share your faith and beliefs. They can, of course, include forever friends and kindred spirits as well. I like to think that these friends fill a void in your life where your family is not able to and are also family who you are blessed to also call friends.

“The Best of Friends” – friends like these are gems to find. Friends who become your best friends are the ones who accept you without question. These friends are the keepers of the deep and dark moments of your life, but NEVER remind you of them. They are the ones you call, text, or email at any moment to share the good, the bad, and the ugly. They laugh with you, cry with you, and walk with you along the road of life. Best friends cheer for you, even when they know you’re going to lose, constructively criticize and challenge you when you need feedback, and lovingly redirect when you are going astray. The best of friends are ones that look out for your well-being, as well as their own, and protect and defend your family as theirs. These friends don’t judge you when you fail or fall short of your own goals and forget your song, instead they offer you a hand to help you up and get you back on your feet again. Those who are the best of friends hold your hand when you are weak and offer strength to support you in the best and worst of times. (The best of friends can also be people who also fit into all the categories above as well.)

I’ve realized that while there are several different categories of friends, there is a common thread amongst all types of friendships. We were put on this Earth together to help, support, and love one another. We have truly given gifts from God – friends to help us along life’s way. True, not all friendships will be healthy and good for us all of the time. We have also been given discerning minds and strong judgment skills to realize when a friendship needs to be loosened or released.

Friendship is a two-way street: it takes two willing individuals to put forth effort and time to equally be a friend to one another. True friendship is also about honesty and trust; without those two key elements a friendship is shaky at best. Friendship should never be about convenience or taking advantage. Friendship should be considered a revered responsibility, not an opportunity. Friendship is also about acceptance – accepting and loving someone as a friend, flaws and all. Being a friend should always be about mutual respect, equitable trust, and appreciative love.

A final thought: A strong friendship doesn’t need daily conversation; it doesn’t always need togetherness. As long as the friendship lives in the heart, true friends will never be apart. (Anonymous) Some days we may forget the song in our heart, or maybe there are days when we don’t even want to remember it, a true friend will keep singing it until, eventually, we start to hum along.

(Dear Readers, I can honestly say that I truly value each and every friendship in my life, but I will admit that some days I fall short in showing it. I know that I am not always the “perfect friend”. I get caught up in my own life, my own worries, and my own “issues” so to speak, that I sometimes forget to check in with others, to reach out to others, and to let people in to help and be helped. I think I have a really good idea of what a true friend is, but I am in no way claiming that I am that model of excellence, in all places, at all times. Thank you for accepting me without judgment and for your friendship, love, and support! Yours, ~ K ~)

Sharing Sandy: The Making of Letters From Heaven, Love Mom xo (K. Blais)

                                

When Sandy Bucholtz decided to write letters to her children to share her thoughts and love with them, she never dreamed that they would one day become a book. She had written all her life but her writing had always remained private. After the loss of her mother-in-law and the death of the parents of a friend of hers, Sandy was hit with the realization that to most, death seemed final. Hearing the sad words of her friend, “I wish I could just talk to my mom and dad about this!” moved Sandy to tears. Then the sudden death of a dear friend of Sandy’s (who was the same age as she was and had two young children), forced her to come to terms with the brevity of our time in this world. She realized how important it was to make sure that the special people in her life knew how she felt about them. She looked at her own children after tucking them into bed at night and wondered what would they ever do if they lost their mother? So she began to write. One letter became two and pretty soon she had a homemade binder on her kitchen counter filled with letters of love, promise, and guidance for her children to read and hold close when it was to be her time to be taken from this earth.

Sandy never thought that those words, those letters, would become a book that would inspire, encourage, and heal others. She shared her cherished letters with a few trusted friends and then found the courage to share the letters with friends who had suffered the loss of a mother. Each person she shared her writings with was touched in some way and each person got from them that ‘something’ they had been searching for.

Connecting with a self-publishing company based in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, called Launch Pad Publishing, Inc., Sandy’s dream began to unfold. With the help and guidance of Faye Levow, editor and publisher for Launch Pad, Sandy turned her dream into a reality.

Letters From Heaven, Love Mom xo takes the reader through a series of letters addressed to a loved one and signed by Sandy. The letters offer praise, guidance, spiritual counseling, inspiration, and a deep love to its readers. Interspersed among the letters are beautiful works of “heart” by the very talented Evelyn Ballin, as well as the lovely artwork of Nicole J. Cote. There are also pages for the reader to write down his or her own thoughts, messages, and memories. Picking up this book and reading it is like having a conversation with Sandy, who just so happened to become a friend of mine.

After hearing that a woman from my home town had published a book, I cyber-stalked Sandy for a couple of days, creeping her on Facebook, reading her blog, and checking out her website at http://www.sandybucholtz.com before my husband bought me a copy of Letters From Heaven, Love Mom xo as a gift. I read it, was intrigued, and I knew that I had to meet its author. It wasn’t hard; I found out that Sandy had married my best friend’s cousin. So, we met for coffee one evening and hit it off immediately. I had a lot of questions for her about her book, as well as a writer interested in publishing. I now stalk her regularly by text and through twitter and facebook messages. It’s a good thing she’s ok with stalking.

It took awhile before Sandy actually considered herself an author. She now proudly lists ‘Author’ as her occupation and is hoping to someday write a companion book to Letters From Heaven Love Mom xo.

As a determined, independent author, Sandy looks forward to the challenges that every new day brings as she encourages each and every one of us “to own and embrace (our) own authenticity – even during the most difficult times” (taken from Letters From Heaven, Love Mom xo, About the Author). Sandy encourages each and every one of us to follow our dreams. I have looked to Sandy for advice and she has often encouraged me personally to believe that my goals are possible and achievable as long as I believe in them and in myself.

Sandy is hoping to hold an official launch of her book in the near future, and I proudly support her in this endeavor. You can find her book in local area stores, online at Amazon.com, featured on Good Reads, and personally through Sandy herself. Please like her Facebook page, Sandy Bucholtz “Embrace Your Awesomeness”, and check out her blog here.

(Dear Readers, Thank you again for your encouragement and support. Positive thoughts and tremendous belief, ~ K ~)

 

Everything INCREDIBLE (K. Blais)

A few weeks ago, when I wrote Living, Writing, and Shootin’ Skeet, I mentioned that I was adding Skeet Shooting to my list of “Things I Wanna Do”. I’ve been thinking a lot about that list and I’ve decided to rename it. Its new name: Everything INCREDIBLE.

(photo courtesy of google images)

Some people choose to call such a list a “Bucket List” (a term made famous by the movie), or “Things I Want to do Before I Die”. I prefer to think of my list as a list of things I would like to experience as I celebrate my journey through life. I believe that the journey is truly the reward.

I should mention that I love lists. (You may have noticed that I even love including lists in my blog posts!) I think that a list gives a good visual to the reader and provides accountability to the writer. I find a sense of accomplishment in checking things off my list as well. It is exceptionally helpful and encouraging to see progress and to have my ideas laid out in order. What better time to revisit a list, maybe even to modify it a bit, at the beginning of Spring?

So here is my list, in no particular order after the first. (The first item on my list is actually the goal I’d most like achieve, in the near future.) Everything INCREDIBLE was actually created with the help of my “W” and some of these same activities appear on her personal list too. It’s a lengthy list, and a bit fantastical, but that’s ok. I think it is better to have a long list of adventures, even if some of them are a tad wild, to choose from, as opposed to a short list of broader, “safe” events. Variety and choice are the seasonings in life. Life is about living, not just getting by!

In addition to sharing this list with you, dear readers, each and every time I get to “check off” an item from Everything INCREDIBLE I will blog about it in order to share my experiences. This could end up being a lot of fun, for everyone! (I hope!)

Everything INCREDIBLE (Draft Version)

1. Publish something, anything, every thing.
2. Travel to Australia and act out the first Crocodile Dundee movie. (Except for the scary crocodile-biting-the-water-bottle part because, let’s be honest, that was a close call!)
3. Take up hiking as a hobby. (Having just moved to the ‘mountainside’, I think this one might be fairly easy to accomplish.)
4. Travel to the Holy Land.
5. Walk in a vineyard. (I’m thinking Tuscany, but I won’t be picky.)
6. Swim under a waterfall. (I’m going to do this one soon!)
7. Hire a personal assistant. (Trust me, I need one).
8. Spend a day at the spa, guilt-free, (as in no Mommy or financial guilt – I’d like to see if that is even possible?!)
9. Be a super excited contestant on the Price Is Right AND get on stage to kiss Drew Carey. (That might not appeal to some, but I find him hilarious!)
10. Be a character in a third Sex and The City movie. (Maybe a fifth sassy woman to the fabulous foursome?!)
11. Find an undiscovered island. (Which after I find it will no longer be undiscovered, a sort of paradox…?)
12. Hop in a taxi and tell the driver to “take me somewhere interesting”.
13. Be part of a radio show (either as interviewer or interviewee).
14. Go sailing. (I have this romantic vision of myself as an elegant woman dressed in flowing, ‘sailing’ clothes and a fabulous floppy hat…)
15. Exchange writing ideas with Joy Fielding.
16. Learn to play squash.
17. Learn how to shoot skeet. (You knew that one was going to be in there!)
18. Go horseback riding through the mountains and/or on a beach.
19. Choose a country and learn not only the language that is spoken there, but also study its customs, its cuisine, its art, and its history. Visit said country one day. (Any suggestions, my beloved readers from around the world?)
20. Scuba dive in the Barrier Reef (Australia). (During my breaks from acting out Crocodile Dundee, of course.)
21. Go hiking in the rainforest.
22. Drive down Route 66. (To be honest, I’ve really wanted to do this since seeing the Cars movie).
23. Swim with dolphins.
24. Save a species from extinction.
25. Go island hopping in the Caribbean (It doesn’t really matter which islands as long as they’re tropical.)
26. Donate blood.
27. Get out of debt.
28. Take a dip in a public fountain.
29. Pay for a stranger’s meal.
30. Go white water rafting.
31. Run a 5K. (A real run – none of this walk/run stuff which I have done before…)
32. Meet Jim Cuddy. (Maybe I can even convince him to let me sing with him…? You know, just for fun. He can even wear earplugs, I don’t really mind.)
33. Receive an apology from my high school English teacher who told me that I would never be more than a technical writer. (Even if those were not his exact words, those are the words which I will always remember).
34. Learn from those words of my high school English teacher and remember that every thing I say can have a meaning to someone: Work towards inspiring someone to pursue his/her dreams.
35. Retire from my day job and spend my days writing, reading, gardening, and enjoying my children and (future) grandchildren.

Yes, it’s a crazy list, but that’s what makes it fun. It’s a draft version, so there are always room for edits and rewrites. For now, I think I’m going to get working (again) on #1.

Take some time for yourself and consider: what would your list of Everything INCREDIBLE look like?

(photo courtesy of thechangeblog.com)

(Dear Readers, Your reads, likes, comments, and shares make an INCREDIBLE difference to me! I hope that you will continue to share your thoughts and feedback. Please like our facebook page Writing For The Love of It, and follow me on Twitter @kim_blais. Make every day amazing! ~ K ~)