The View From Down Here (K. Blais)

I wrote a love letter to a boy once. In it I told him about the things I liked, one of which was lying under the Christmas tree and looking up at the branches. 

  

I remembered this “love letter” the other night. The idea had struck me in the quiet of the late hours that I should revisit my childhood and lie down beneath the lit Christmas tree. Truth be told I could only get my head and shoulders under it, but as I gazed up at the branches the love letter popped into my head. 

It wasn’t the love letter that inspired me to write this post however, but as I thought about the letter and I wondered if the boy I wrote it to even remembered it, I thought about the secrets we keep. 

I never told anyone about the letter. In all actuality that very same boy is married to a friend now. I’m sure we would all probably laugh and joke about the letter if it ever got brought up, but it seems content to keep its own secret for now. 

As I lay under the Christmas tree and gazed up at its branches I also thought about how different it looked  on the underside and how my perspective of my tree was entirely changed. The angle in which I could see the ornaments was completely different and while the tree was still pretty, it definitely looked less glamorous from underneath. 

I wonder if we only let people see one side of us, the glamorous side, will they ever truly understand us or what goes on under our branches? 

I told a dear friend recently that it’s ok to be weak in front of others that care about us and that it is completely acceptable to show that we have feelings that can be hurt. I truly believe that there is nothing wrong in letting others know that they have caused hurt. It really doesn’t make us weak, or less, or give others any power over us. In fact, it reminds everyone, including us, that we are human and that we feel. It is no secret that if you prick us, we will all bleed. 

But yet so many of us tend to keep so much of ourselves hidden, even the wonderful things that make us who we are. Some of us may feel that people will like us more if they only see certain sides of us. Some feel that they don’t want to be seen as ‘soft’ or ‘sensitive’ or even ‘too emotional’. We keep a lot of our “mushy” stuff hidden for fear that we may scare others away. 

Life is too short for regrets though. Perhaps we should all start baring a bit more of our undersides to others. Maybe if we started to share more of ourselves, the world would become a less complicated place. While filters are good (and we should definitely think before we speak and say something hurtful), maybe we need to filter a bit less and love a bit more. 

What if we all focused this Christmas season on telling others how much we care about them? What if we spread peace, love, and joy by sharing more of ourselves? 

Maybe we don’t have to keep so much of ourselves a secret. Even those things that we perceive as flaws can be intriguing and captivating to others. 

Perhaps we should be more like the Christmas tree – shining bright, beautiful in our own way for all to see, from no matter what angle. 

Are You Ready? (K.Blais)

‘Tis the season… Christmas day is actually only seven short days away. I was thinking about that today and I wondered how ready I was for Christmas.

The house has been decorated since just before Advent began, which was a first for me, and actually ended up being an excellent thing. I love having the house decorated early and being able to enjoy it throughout the season instead of feeling stressed to get the decorations up in amidst the hustle and bustle of doing everything else. Besides, we go through so much work to pull the decorations out and to put them up, it’s nice to be able to enjoy them a little longer.

I began gift buying early; however, this may not have been an entirely good thing as I think I may have purchased more because I had more time to do so… It just may take a little longer to wrap everything that’s all. It certainly won’t take any longer to unwrap that’s for sure – that usually passes by in a whirlwind! With just a few gift cards to purchase and a couple of odd little things to get, I just might be done, but I don’t dare say that too loudly.

Teacher’s gifts have been put together, after channeling my inner Martha Stewart and with a little help from Pinterest of course. We even made it through a week of special events – pajama days, ugly Christmas sweater days, class pot lucks, and school Christmas concerts. And, I’m proud to say, we even managed to do a fairly good job with all of those things too!

Christmas cards will be done (hopefully) after tomorrow, and delivered/mailed shortly thereafter. (This may be one area I am a little behind on for one reason or another.) Pictures have been ordered, picked up, and will be added to family gifts with only a few slight glitches as well I might add.

But amidst all the hustle and hall decking of the season, I know that these are all only material things. Christmas would still go on if my house wasn’t decorated. Christmas would still happen with or without presents (there just may be a few sad faces Christmas morning). Christmas would continue to occur even without school events and teacher gifts. Christmas would even still be Christmas without my tradition of sending Christmas cards, pictures, and letters to family and friends.

Those things are all wonderful parts of Christmas, but the most wonderful part of Christmas is the birth of our Saviour. Without the birth of a small babe in a lowly manger so many years ago, the world would be an entirely different place. That’s why my faith is so important to me – not everyone believes the same things I do and that’s ok, but my faith is what makes my world different.

My faith is what helps get me through the dark times when it seems like everything and everyone is pitted against me. My faith brings me strength when I am weak. My faith helps me to stand back up when I stumble and fall. My faith helps me to be kind to others, even when they are less than kind to me. My faith allows me to rejoice and to be thankful for everything which I have been given as well. My faith is rooted in the belief that one eve, a long time ago, a baby was born in a manger. This baby would be the Saviour of us all.

So yes, I am ready. I am ready for Christmas and all of the wonderful, worldly things that it brings because I have been greatly blessed. I am also ready for Christmas and to celebrate and share my faith and my beliefs in my spiritual blessings.

Not everyone is as blessed as we are. Please remember to reach out to others this Christmas and to let them know that you care. Share your Christmas joy with others, in whatever form it may take.

I wish you all a blessed and very Merry Christmas and a wonderful and peaceful New Year.

Are you ready?

(Dear Readers, I will be taking a much needed break and, hopefully, relaxing holiday. Writing For The Love Of It will be back in 2015. Thank you so much for your support and love over the last year. Love, ~ K ~)

“What’s In It For Me?”: The Search for Merry In Christmas (K.Blais)

Motivation is a psychological feature that arouses an organism to act towards a desired goal and elicits, controls, and sustains certain goal-directed behaviors. It can be considered a driving force; a psychological one that compels or reinforces an action toward a desired goal. As an example, hunger is a motivation that elicits a desire to eat. Motivation is the purpose or psychological cause of an action. (taken from Wikipedia.org)

A conversation with a friend this week led to the following thought: many people are willing to do things for others only if it will benefit them in some way. I like to think of this as the “What’s In It For Me?” syndrome: the idea that I will only do something if I, myself, will benefit in some way from doing it. The syndrome places a heavy reliance on self-advancement and self-achievement as its sole focus of motivation.

There are two types of motivation: intrinsic or extrinsic. Intrinsic motivation refers to motivation that is driven by an interest or enjoyment in the task itself, and exists within the individual rather than relying on external pressures or a desire for reward (Wikipedia.org). On the other hand, extrinsic motivation refers to the performance of an activity in order to attain an outcome, whether or not that activity is also intrinsically motivated. Extrinsic motivation comes from outside of the individual (Wikipedia.org). We are all motivated in some way – whether it is intrinsically, extrinsically, or a combination of the two.

(image courtesy of Google images)

Christmas is often called the Season of Giving. It is a time where we ‘give’ to others in order to show our love and appreciation for them. When we focus on doing things for others, especially at this time of year, with the motive of giving to get in return or to receive acknowledgment or a reward for our generosity, this is extrinsic motivation. When we give to others, whether it be a gift, our time, or to do something nice for them, without the desire to receive anything in return, this is intrinsic motivation: the joy of giving without expecting to receive.

The true meaning of the season of Christmas, that being the birth of Jesus, God’s gift to the world, is often lost in the hustle and bustle and general busyness of the month. Many people struggle to find contentment and happiness amidst the materialism that Christmas has taken on. Intrinsically, when we are motivated to do things for others without expecting anything in return, we are truly giving of ourselves, whether it be our time, our talents, or gifts that we have purchased or made. Extrinsically, if we expect others to give to us equaling or matching what we have given or done for them, we are not embracing the true meaning of giving to others.

This can be an especially difficult time of year for some of us. Many people struggle to find the Merry in Christmas. Perhaps they have lost or are separated from loved ones or are struggling with financial burdens or job difficulties. For some, this time of year can be dark and dim, not a season full of peace and joy, let alone giving. There are ways which we can find some Christmas joy ourselves or work to help others to find a bit of light at Christmas. These things don’t have to be material and they don’t have to cost a lot of money either). Here are some ideas: attend a church service (Christmas Eve Candlelight Services are beautiful), sing favourite Christmas hymns or songs, watch a favourite Christmas program or movie (National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, Miracle on 34^th Street), do some baking and share it, plan a sledding party with hot chocolate or warm beverages, read a special Christmas story or book (some special ones to me are The Birth of Jesus, ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas, and Mortimer’s Christmas Manger), or take a walk in a winter wonderland. All of these things can help to bring a bit of Christmas happiness and peace.

Taking the focus off of “What’s in it for me?” and placing it onto, “How can I help someone else?” is a goal which I hope we can all strive for this Christmastime. Let’s try to understand that, for some, Christmas is not yet a season full of peace and happiness. But… we can help. We can place a focus on giving to others for the joy of giving (intrinsic motivation), not receiving (extrinsic motivation), and bring some light to the darkness. Let’s say that this is my Christmas wish this year.

(Special thanks to my FG for the chat and blog topic idea — I told you I would give you credit! 😉 )

Once Upon A Griswold Christmas

Christmas is upon us! In fact, it is only a mere five days away. If you’ve dared the stores or malls lately, you will quickly realize that the race is on to finish Christmas shopping and preparations for the holidays. This is a happy time of year – a time to celebrate the birth of Christ, to show love and compassion to others, and to spend time with loved ones. However, this time of year is also often a time of stress and strain as the more quickly the days pass, the busier and more stressed people get. Commitments, deadlines, and extra things on the “to do list” pile up and add on, causing us to have less time to actually enjoy the season and the real reason for Christmas.

One small tradition that I have tried to practice over the years to add some laughter to the season, especially when I find myself feeling stressed, is to watch the movie “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” (directed by Jeremiah Chechik, released Dec.1, 1989). Since its release in 1989, the movie has received critical acclaim and is often considered a modern Christmas classic. (information courtesy of imdb.com)

The movie begins with the Griswold family in their station wagon on the quest for a Christmas tree. Clark and Ellen (the parents) begin singing Christmas carols in the car, attempting to convince their children, Audrey and Rusty, to join in. The kids refuse to sing along, and the Griswolds soon find themselves being antagonized by some rough looking characters driving along on the highway. Clark sets the scene for the first of many Christmas mishaps – he succumbs to road rage and finds himself crashing into the sign advertising Christmas trees. (I can relate to the road rage part — thankfully not to the ‘crashing into the sign’ part!)

The scene continues to the Griswolds hiking in search of a “good old-fashioned family Christmas tree”. We are also made clearly aware of Clark’s own quest (and the theme of the movie) : to have a Good Old-Fashioned Griswold Family Christmas. Clark, however, forgets the axe and the next scene is the Griswold’s driving home with an enormous tree, including the roots, tied to their station wagon.

We then meet Clark and Ellen’s parents who arrive at the Griswold home to spend the holidays. They arrive bickering and getting on everyone’s nerves immediately. Clark tries to remain positive and sets out to decorate the home with outdoor lights for Christmas. The lights become Clark’s focus – he can’t control what’s going on in the inside of his house, but he can make the outside look beautiful. Clark thinks that if he is able to achieve the perfect look for the good old-fashioned family Christmas, everything else might fall into place. Ellen even accuses him, “Are you out here for a reason or are you just avoiding the family?” Clark is also accused of overdoing the decorating and his response is, “When was the last time I overdid anything?” (We have already been given a glimpse of Clark’s “overdoing” and this is confirmed by Rusty’s visible eye roll.)

Several mishaps later, the 25,000 twinkle lights are finally lit and are appreciated, for the most part, by the family and extended family. New relatives arrive, unexpectantly : cousin Catherine, her backwards husband, Eddie, and their two kids. They are welcomed to stay and Clark expresses that he hopes the lights “help to enhance their Christmas spirit”.

The lights don’t solve the problems though. The relatives are still bickering, the large house seems to have very little room in it, and the underlying problem (and stress) of Clark not yet receiving his Christmas bonus is evident. (Clark needs the bonus to cover the cheque which he has written to have a swimming pool put in as a Christmas surprise.)

In so many ways, we might find ourselves relating to Clark and the Griswolds. Clark has taken on too much, trying to have the perfect old-fashioned family Christmas, with little to no help from his pre-occupied family. How many of us have been in a similar struggle? We try to do it all, everything that is supposed to be done for the season, and only find ourselves consumed and overwhelmed. Sometimes we are offered help but, for one reason or another, we don’t take it.

Clark doesn’t ask for help. He tries to do it all on his own. Incidentally, his family doesn’t seem to show much support to begin with. His parents are fairly positive : his father says he would get through family Christmases “with a lot of help from Jack Daniels”, and his mother is like the ostrich sticking her head in the sand only wanting to come up when the coast is clear. Ellen is scattered and seems overcome with the enormity of it all, and Rusty and Audrey don’t want to be involved. Ellen’s parents are critical of Clark and we are introduced to the idea early on that they don’t really like Clark. We are left with the impression though that their opinions are the only thing they would offer anyway.

Clark sets standards that are way too high. Ellen even says to him, “You set standards that no family event can ever live up to”. Clark’s quest for the perfect old-fashioned family Christmas is a quest for perfection that the Griswolds (nor any family) can ever complete. Clark’s expectations for how this Christmas should turn out are unrealistic, but yet he doesn’t realize it. He is obsessed with creating the perfect old-fashioned Griswold family Christmas and he can’t see past that. Expectations can get in the way of a clear view of reality.

Clark does realize that Christmas is about resolving differences and seeing through the petty things in life, but his tolerance level begins to wane. He continues to bestow kindness on his family, however, with only a few mild comments : “Can I refill your eggnog? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere? Leave you for death?” Dealing with family can be trying, especially in holiday situations. Add stress to the mix and things can get even hairier. Friction can result and can cause family events to go awry.

“How could things possibly get any worse? Take a look around you, Ellen. We’re standing at the threshold of hell.” Eventually Clark realizes that things are falling apart. His aunt’s cat gets electrocuted, his tree burns down (so he goes out and cuts a tree from his own yard, trashing the neighbours’ house in the process), and a squirrel jumps out of the new tree creating havoc and disaster in the house. The company messenger arrives with an envelope which Clark thinks is his Christmas bonus, but when it turns out not to be, Clark finally cracks. He swears revenge on his boss. Cousin Eddie disappears and returns shortly thereafter with Clark’s boss wrapped in a bow. The SWAT team smashes through the house, explanations are given, apologies made, and Clark finally gets his wish : the family is singing Christmas carols and dancing together amidst all the destruction of the house.

The movie has a fairytale ending of sorts. Differences are resolved, however temporarily, and a family joins together to celebrate Christmas. We, as viewers, are left with a feeling that things have turned out the way they are supposed to. We are left with that “feel good feeling” ; perhaps it is for this reason that the movie became a modern classic. We can all admit that there is some comfort in seeing that things do go wrong for other people, and that it is not just us. It is comforting to know that we are all human and we all make mistakes. The situations which occur during the Griswold Christmas are approached with humour and an attitude that everything will work out just fine in the end. Most of us hold onto that hope in real life too.

At Christmas time, and throughout the year, let’s try to remember that things may not always turn out the way they are expected to, but they will always turn out the way they are supposed to.

The End. 🙂

(Dear Readers, I would like to take this opportunity to wish you a very Merry Christmas! Thank you, as always, for your reads, likes, and shares! Take time to celebrate the Reason for the season! Love ~ K ~)

All That Glitters : Standing On The Edge of “More”

This week’s blog topic came to me while visiting some wonderful friends and sitting beside their beautiful fireplace on a cold winter night. It was just like a scene from a commercial: the lovely ladies relaxing on the sofa, sipping eggnog, engaged in intelligent and meaningful conversation, and the men hanging out, engaged in, well, men talk (whatever that is). My friend made the statement that went something like this (and I don’t think she’ll mind that I’m paraphrasing her), “Some people get restless when things don’t seem as shiny as they once were — that’s when the desire for “more” comes in.”

I nodded, smiling, in complete agreement, “You’re right. And that, my dear friend, will be the topic of this week’s blog.”

Sitting by the fire that winter evening, I was thankful for the simple things : friends who open their home to us, wonderful conversation, yummy beverages, tasty snacks, and laughing children. At that point in time, it was hard to imagine wanting anything more. But, my friend’s statement rings true, and I think we’ve all been there. The simple things in life are not what all the people seek, all the time. Shininess does wear off and people get bored with what they have and, consequently, they want more. The novelty, excitement, and newness of material things, relationships, and situations thins out. Many of us find ourselves left looking for “more” to replace them.

‘Tis the season: the season to be jolly, the season to be merry, the season to admire the tinsel and glitter, and the season to want more.

I decided to consider this realm of thought in relation to the Christmas season. In many ways, the world has lost sight of the true meaning of Christmas. Christmas has become less about Christ and more about commercialism. The season can find itself more focused on materialism instead of the birth of our Saviour. Sometimes the focus is more about gifts and receiving than it is about giving and loving others.

Gifts are wonderful, there’s no denying that. The tradition of giving gifts actually dates back to the 4th century in Turkey with Saint Nicholas, a Christian Bishop, who was known for his generousity in giving to those who were less fortunate than he was. In that time, gifts were homemade foods and sweets, oranges, handcrafted gifts (such as socks, sweaters, dresses, blankets, tables, chairs, etc.). (information courtesy of wiki.answers.com) But, even before that, the Wise Men brought gifts to celebrate the birth of Jesus.

Today, gift giving isn’t usually quite so simple. Many of us stress and struggle over what to give and whether it will be enough. Standards have been set so high in relation to what we are happy with, that many of the stresses of the season are centered around whether anything we give (or receive!) will be enough. Each day we are given many blessings. It’s a shame that, for the most part, we just don’t realize and appreciate them enough. I like to believe that in our busy and bustling society today, the greatest gift that someone can give others is their time. Time is so precious, especially to those of us who have so little of it to spare!

Sometimes we want “more” in terms of being “better than” others. We might desire things for our own reasons, but our desire for those things may be that they also place us in a better social status or position in comparison to what others have. The term “keeping up with the Joneses” comes to mind. In some cases, the search for “more” lends itself to having more than someone else does and feeling more satisfied with ourselves when we do. “More” becomes less about us and more about what we have in relation to other people.

As well, “more” can also be the desire for more in terms of the people who we are with. Some of us become dissatisfied in relationships when the newness and the excitement begins to dwindle. As soon as things begin to seem less glossy and shiny, it can be tempting to move on to bigger and brighter things, including the people in our lives. And, when things get tough, it can be even more tempting to search for those things which make the heart beat faster, cause the butterflies in the stomach feeling, and give that an adrenaline rush.

The risk we take when we stand on the edge of “more” is that “more” may never be “enough”. Our quest to keep the glitter and magical feeling of the “shiny”, the brightness of things, may never be complete. We may be standing on the threshold of basking in the radiance and gleam of that something or someone new, all the while looking to set our sights on the next lustrous and sparkly thing. It could be that it is the human condition to continuously search for “more” and “better”, but perhaps the quest is much “more” than even that.

(Dear Readers, I continue to appreciate and thank you for your support. I am so blessed to have your reads, likes, shares, and comments! Writing For The Love Of It is now read in 10 countries! Blessings Always, ~ K ~)