Letting The Air Get At It (K.Blais)

An old wives’ tale speaks about letting a wound get air in order to heal better. Although medical opinion varies on whether on a wound site heals better covered or uncovered, I am of the belief that both physical and emotional wounds heal better when air is allowed to get in and the wound is given permission to breathe.

Hurt, betrayal, disappointment, embarrassment, and even humiliation have become emotional wounds common in life. Whether intentional or unintentional, because of simple negligence or ignorance, or because of malicious spite triggered by envy or revenge, wounds occur.

We are hurt by those we thought would never hurt us. We are betrayed by those who we believed had our back unconditionally. We are disappointed by how we are treated by others, especially when we would never treat them in the same way. We are embarrassed when we are called out in front of others, or when we are ridiculed when we least expect it. We are humiliated when we believe that what we thought would never happen to us, has indeed happened.

Image result for emotional wounds free pics

So, what do we do?

Some of us may bandage it all up, wrapping the damage of the wound tightly to us. We may hide the injury away, underneath a protective covering, hoping that in time the wound will heal on its own. And perhaps the wound will heal. It may disappear entirely with only a trace of a scar or it may seep for a long while, oozing within itself, barely contained behind the bandage that holds it, before eventually healing in its own way.

Some of us may decide not to cover the wound. We may let the wound remain open, airing it out, because we believe that when we can air out our wounds they will heal more quickly and with less oozing and scarring. We leave the wound open instead of covered, baring our injury, in the hope that air and time will heal.

Airing out an emotional wound requires courage. For some it may be talking to a trusted friend about our feelings. For others it may be writing or blogging about a troublesome issue, or in a less public forum, it may mean journaling or writing private letters. In any case, the airing out is important for those people to heal.

Airing out takes courage because sometimes people perceive us as angry. They may think that we are on a rant and pissed off again. They may think we are too sensitive, that we take too much to heart, that we need to let things go a bit more. They may tell us to focus on what really matters (which is entirely subjective), and to let things roll off our backs. And maybe they are right.

Maybe we are angry and pissed off. Maybe we are too sensitive, too heartfelt, and too conscientious about justice and fairness to others. Maybe we believe that the world needs to remember that everyone has feelings and those feelings should be valued no matter who you are or what you can or cannot do for someone else. Maybe we feel that being kind will always be more important than being right.

But that doesn’t make us wrong in feeling any of these ways. Airing or ‘talking’ about when we have been hurt, when we feel wronged, even when we feel insecure can help us face our own perspective, as well as to see and hear someone else’s. We can heal faster when we realize that we are not alone, that others have felt and will feel this same, or in a similar, way. We can learn from another person’s experiences, we can receive valuable advice, or we can simply hear “I get it. I understand.”

We may be embarrassed by our wounds. We may feel childish or juvenile. We may think that we appear weak or ineffective when we allow our wounds to be exposed for anyone else to see. We may feel that we are to blame for allowing these things and/or people to hurt us, in some cases repeatedly. We may even believe that perhaps we someone deserve to be wounded.

But, it takes a strong person to speak about hurt and betrayal. It takes strength and courage to reach out and to bare ourselves and our hurt to someone else. We may be allowing patterns to repeat themselves in our lives, but that is why it is so important to air out our injuries. When things hit the air sometimes the reasons for them become more obvious to us. We are able to reflect a little more clearly on ourselves and on the situation surrounding us. We can see and evaluate the truth about ourselves and others. We can learn, we can understand and be understood, and we can grow.

It may also take time, but airing out our wounds can allow us to heal more quickly and healthily. We will still continue to be hurt by others at times, this is most likely inevitable, but perhaps we can learn to allow the air to heal us. And perhaps we may also learn how to prevent a greater wound from taking place in the future.

(photo courtesy of steptohealth.com)

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Focus, Please! (K.Blais)

I’m sitting down to write this blog post rather late. It’s been a busy day and I am home now, both kids are in bed, recycling has been taken out to the road, laundry has been moved from the washing machine to the dryer, the laundry from the dryer has been folded, a glass of wine has been poured, and now it is time to write.

But what is there to write about? What is there to focus on this week?

Many thoughts have run rampant through my head – maybe I should take a lighter tone this week as I was pretty rough on “people” last week. Maybe I should have just bailed on posting this week due to busy-ness and/or unpreparedness (although I really and truly hate not posting). Maybe I should “cheat” and post some fiction, even though I save the fiction for the third week of each month.

Then I realized that my focus this week, my blog topic, could be just that – focus.

Now before some of you start to giggle (there is an acronym for F.O.C.U.S. that some may know), I intend to write this post on the real meaning of focus as the center of interest or activity (Google dictionary).

I struggled to find a focus, a center of interest, for this week because, usually, at some point throughout the week, a topic will come to me and I will play it around in my head, deciding if it is something that I want to write about (by want I mean need). There are some weeks, however, where there seems to be nothing ‘jumping’ out at me, nothing which seems to need contemplating or hashing around through and in my blogging perspective.

Focus though is extremely important. It is important because when we are able to focus on something in particular, our focus drives us to complete, succeed at, or accomplish whatever it is that we have set our sights on. When we have a center of interest or activity in our lives, we have goals in mind, steps which we want to take, and motions we need to go through.

When our lives lack focus it is difficult to become motivated. We may feel like we are stumbling around aimlessly looking for something to point us in the right direction or to lead us down the correct path. When we have no focus, the days can seem long and empty with no real direction or aim.

Personally, I find it easier to focus on certain things when I make a list of achievements for myself. At the beginning of this summer I made a list of things which needed to be done in my home, for example cleaning areas which I can never seem to find the time to get at. I took great pleasure in creating this list as I focused in on striving to get to things which I hadn’t done since moving into this place three years ago! I took even greater pleasure in checking off the things as I accomplished them. What a sense of achievement! I spent less ‘wasted’ days feeling guilty for not getting anything done and more days feeling proud that I had been productive with my time.

But… as you all know, for everything that I was able to check off on my list, I found something new to add on to it. Since I was focusing on getting my house clean and organized, the more I cleaned and organized the more I found that still needed to be cleaned and organized! My sense of achievement waivered daily between pride and frustration at the amount I had accomplished and the amount that still needed to be done! Arghhh.

I thought about my focus quite a bit and decided that while it was important to have a clean and organized home, (for how long though, really?) I also needed to spend my summer off focusing on doing some things which I would truly enjoy as well. I’m still working on the list for those things, but on it I know I certainly need to reach out to friends who I haven’t seen or talked to in a while (you know who you are), to write more (to write anything!), and to try to have some carefree fun which I find harder and harder to carve out time to do, sadly enough.

The next (last, gasp!) two weeks will be busy each in their own way, but my focus will be a combination of completing a bit more of my cleaning list and doing some more enjoyable things that I want to do as well. I guess as long as I have a clear focus on what I need and want to accomplish then things will get done when and how they are supposed to. I am going to put my faith and focus in that.

Hard Hits and Must Not Quits (K.Blais)

Without any preamble, or mincing words, I will not hesitate to tell you that I have seriously considered throwing in the towel more than once this week. I have lost count of how many times I have felt that many of things that I take pride in doing are being done in vain. Please note: I don’t do these things for recognition, or even for the validation from others, but sometimes getting a little, just a little bit of credit would be nice.
Even writing has been a challenge. I have not had too many experiences with writer’s block, (those who know me know that I am not too often at a loss for words), but I now know what it is like to stare at a computer screen, to will the thoughts to come to my head, to urge them to flow through my fingers, and to get… nothing. Fine time for a block to hit when I am half way through a writing challenge, huh?
Perhaps many of us experience times where we feel we are being “tested”. Every single thing we may try to do may seem difficult, a huge undertaking. We may feel like we are trying, really trying, only to get crapped on, stomped down, and “put in our place”. We may wonder why it is that we are even trying anymore.
On a personal note, the feeling of inadequacy is huge for me when I think about my writing. With so many great, published writers out there, how can I call myself one? Does being moderately smart and able to put words together somewhat nicely into sentences make me a writer?
I was feeling that way a lot this week and was doing a lot of thinking about where I have been directing my energy. I haven’t come to any conclusions, or solved any of my issues with stress, time, and being too hard on myself. I often wonder if I take on too much, if I try to do too many things, and then end up doing few or none of them well. I’m not going to lie… When things seem too hard, or I can’t do them “well enough”, I’m tempted to let things go. Then I remembered this poem:

Don’t Quit
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a fellow turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow –
You may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than

It seems to a faint and faltering man;
Often the struggler has given up
Whe he might have captured the victor’s cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out –

The silver tint in the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It might be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit –
It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.

Readers, please know that we all feel weak at times, even those of us who appear to be strong. Those of us who seem to be confident and self-assured even have those moments (days, weeks, months) where we feel hesitant and insecure. We all stumble and we all fall. It’s the getting back up that’s the challenge some days. But, we are all capable.
I still have doubts, and I have my days where I wonder if it makes any sense at all: the struggles with time, the tiredness, the feeling of being beaten down and “crapped” on, the concept of being “done with it all”, but I think that maybe, just maybe, I might be finding my drive again. I may just actually have the thoughts flowing freely from my heart to my head to my fingers again. I may just be getting my groove back. It may not be Stella-style (love that movie!), but it will definitely be a groove all my own.
Dear Readers (and Myself), these are words to remember: “So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit – It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.”

The Mystery of Time (K.Blais)

This week I decided to blog about the mysterious concept of time. I refer to time as a mystery because it really seems to be quite evasive, elusive, and intangible, all at the same time.

When we speak about it, we often make ‘time’ an oxymoron unto itself, in that most of what we say about ‘time’ is full of contradictory terms and paradoxes. If we think of all the ‘sayings’ there are about time, consider these:

Time moves slowly. Time stands still. Time marches on. Time flies by.

Lost time is never found again. We find time to do the things we love.

Time can only do so much. There’s nothing time can’t fix.

Time changes everything. Nothing changes but time.

Time is on our side. Time is against us.

 

Time, to us, certainly seems to be a contradiction in terms. In a sense it’s kind of like we never really know exactly what we want from the concept of time:

We have nothing to lose but time. There never seems to be enough time, we are short on time, or we have given too much of our time already.

We chase time. We race time. We push the limits of time, and we want time to stop.

We make time. We take time. We check the time. We even kill time.

We have all the time in the world. We pray for more time. At some points, we wish that time will pass quickly. At other points, we wish that time would slow down.

We wonder what we should do with our time. We consider what time we have left. We wonder when our time will be up.

 

We can even make time seem like it is omnipotent and has unlimited powers:

Time is love.

Time heals all wounds.

Time fixes everything.

Time flies when you’re having fun.

Time will heal a broken heart.

Things get better with time.

Only time will tell.

 

Time even dictates how we relate to and describe things, as if they are dependent on time:

Once upon a time…

The beginning of time…

The end of time…

Time is running out.

Time is of the essence.

 

Here’s what I do know:

Time is a blessing and time can be a curse. Some days time will be on our side, and some days it will work against us. Time is something we cannot control. Time will continue to tick on, just like an hourglass will continue to drop sand as it is turned over.

The flow of sand in an hourglass can be used to keep track of elapsed time. It also concretely represents the present as being between the past and the future. (image and information courtesy of wikipedia.org)}

Time should not be taken for granted, but appreciated for what it is. It is transient and temporary, but at the same time time is permanent and lasting. Time is not static; it is changeable and moving. As much as it might feel like it, time does not stand still, but continues on, hurtling us through life as each second passes by. Some of us believe that time truly changes things, but, in reality, you actually have to change them yourself. Many believe that time heals all wounds – in many cases, the wounds remain the same, they simply become covered with scar tissue in the mind and the pain is less but never really gone.

Albert Einstein said, “Time is an illusion.” We certainly speak of it and have allowed it to become mysterious, paradoxical, and oxymoronic in different ways. Benjamin Franklin stated, “You may delay, but time will not.” Time will continue on, whether we desire it to or not. Perhaps George Harrison said it best when he said, “Time is a very misleading thing. All there is ever, is the now. We can gain experience from the past, but we can’t relive it; and we can hope for the future, but we cannot be certain of it.”

(Dear Readers, Thank you for taking the ‘time’ to read, like, share, and offer feedback! Please take a moment to follow me on Twitter @kim_blais and to like our Facebook page,